Anaconda (1997)

You really wouldn’t expect a story about a man-eating monster to be this boring.

A documentary crew floats into the Amazon rainforest in search of a good story. They rescue a stranger who temps them with the tale of a creature who will “…strike, wrap around you. Hold you tighter than your true love.”

The early CGI makes Syfy channel originals look like masterworks of technical wizardry (despite its $100,000 a second price tag). But, what keeps Anaconda from going adrift in the river of forgettable flicks is Oscar winner Jon Voight as the snarling stranger. His accent is almost as weird and indistinguishable as Tommy Wiseau’s, and his performance comes across so bafflingly bad. One look, and you may become hypnotized.

Directed by Luis Llosa.
Starring Jon Voight, Jennifer Lopez, and Ice Cube.
89 Minutes – Rated PG-13