Mark Borchardt is a man who dreams of being a horror filmmaker. We follow him during his misadventures while making Coven (bizarrely mispronounced as co-ven). Along the way, he drags his friends and family through the literal mud while trying to realize his dream. Continue reading “American Movie (1999)”
🎵 Repooo! Repooo! Out of the dark, from the mist comes a film. Pray it never fills your screen. It’ll rip your eyeballs straight from their socket and leave your ears bleeding. Repooo! Repooo!🎵 Continue reading “Repo! The Genetic Opera (2008)”
You really wouldn’t expect a story about a man-eating monster to be this boring. Continue reading “Anaconda (1997)”
A series of medical doctors begin dying in strange and ritualistic ways. The only thing they have in common is a single patient that they failed to save. It couldn’t possibly be her husband who died at the same time… Or could it?
This tale of biblical revenge and eternal love is weird even by Price’s standards. There is little dialog. Our lead doesn’t speak for more than half an hour into the movie. Instead, we see him quietly disposing of those whom he blames for taking his beloved.
They really and truly don’t make them like this anymore. But after seeing the not-so-good doctor deliver eternities of doom, you, like us, will wish they did.
Directed by Robert Fuest.
Starring Vincent Price.
94 Minutes – Rated R
This sorta, kinda, sequel to Evil Dead II sends Ash into a renaissance faire version of the past. He comes armed with his chainsaw arm, boomstick, and chemistry book. Along the way, he battles life and pint-sized versions of himself, demons galore, misbehaved books, a tongue twister spell, and, as might be expected, an army of darkness.
Rami ramped up the comedic aspects with each Evil Dead entry, and Army of Darkness succumbs to all-out silliness. While this may disappoint some, don’t let it. Campbell tackles his role with self-awareness, mockery, and sheer bravado. His performance makes the whole movie an absolute romp and firmly secures his status as a cult movie icon.
Ash is one king worth bending the knee to, baby.
AKA: Bruce Campbell vs. Army of Darkness
Directed by Sam Raimi.
Starring Bruce Campbell.
89 Minutes – Rated R
One would think that a mystery involving voodoo and the devil himself could succeed at more than being a guaranteed nap inducer. Continue reading “Angel Heart (1987, UK/USA/Canada)”
A blue-collar spaceship picks up an odd signal. Upon investigation, the crew finds a wrecked alien ship and a sea of slimy eggs. After the eye-opening hatching of one of the little fellas, and they decide to get the hell out of Dodge. But it is far too late.
Alien is a masterful melding of sci-fi and horror. The alien is as grotesque as it is intimidating and one of the best-designed creatures ever (kudos to H.R. Giger). The rest of the designs are equally impressive. Combine all of this with Ridley Scott’s penchant for visual storytelling, and you have a film that changed both sci-fi and horror for the better.
Final report. Alien is still a harrowing experience and a voyage to space that all cultists must endure. This is your Cult Caretakers, signing off.
Directed by Ridley Scott.
Starring Sigourney Weaver, Tom Skerritt, Veronica Cartwright, Harry Dean Stanton, John Hurt, Ian Holm, and Yaphet Kotto.
117 Minutes – Rated R
Nothing since George A. Romero’s Day of the Dead has inspired zombie lovers to such an extent. While the villains are not technically dead, they are oh so horrifying. Continue reading “28 Days Later (2002, UK)”