Anaconda (1997)

You really wouldn’t expect a story about a man-eating monster to be this boring.

A documentary crew floats into the Amazon rainforest in search of a good story. They rescue a stranger who temps them with the tale of a creature who will “…strike, wrap around you. Hold you tighter than your true love.”

The early CGI makes Syfy channel originals look like masterworks of technical wizardry (despite its $100,000 a second price tag). But, what keeps Anaconda from going adrift in the river of forgettable flicks is Oscar winner Jon Voight as the snarling stranger. His accent is almost as weird and indistinguishable as Tommy Wiseau’s, and his performance comes across so bafflingly bad. One look, and you may become hypnotized.

Directed by Luis Llosa.
Starring Jon Voight, Jennifer Lopez, and Ice Cube.
89 Minutes – Rated PG-13

20 Million Miles to Earth (1957)

Seventeen Astronauts journey to Venus only to meet disaster in various forms. The returning spacecraft splashes down off Italy with three occupants, and one is fixin’ to get seriously pissed off. Can William Hopper save the day with his “no speaka da English” sidekicks? No matter, the plot has little to do with our recommendation.

The real star of this creature feature is, of course, the Ymir, Ray Harryhausen’s dynamic concept of a beast from another world. At once terrifying and sympathetic, Y-Man’s performance from hatchling to adulthood is by far the best thing this classic has to offer. You can’t help but feel disdain for the inept Earthlings and pity for the monster.

Y-Man, Y-man, he’s our man, if he can’t do it, no one can.

Directed b Nathan H Juran.
Starring William Hopper, Joan Taylor and Frank Puglia.
81 Minutes – Not Rated